You know I’ve never really liked my Birthday, even as a kid. I often wished I could cancel it, or forget about it. My mum did forget about it once. I think it was my seventh birthday. I was about to leave the house for school when I reminded her. “Oh I’m sorry pet” she said as she ran upstairs to get my present (which she hadn’t wrapped). It was a bicycle pump! My mum was raising me on her own so life was a constant struggle. My violent good for nothing dad was no longer part of our lives, for which I was relieved, but it was still tough to watch my school friends enjoy huge parties and receive lots of presents. Presents my mum couldn’t afford, and with no close family, there was no one else to spoil me.
Maybe that’s why I always showered my own daughter with gifts. Different times and circumstances I know, but I wanted to make up for what I never got. My mum did her best, I’m not criticizing her, I loved her, but growing up it was hard to understand.
My Birthday has been fated ever since. People close to me have died on my Birthday, I’ve attended funerals on my Birthday. Operation Desert Storm began on my Birthday (1991). I know, it’s all coincidence, but after many bad childhood memories it weighs heavily on me.
2015, and another Birthday is here. This one is a little different. No war has been declared so far, no one has died, but I am unemployed for the first time in years, which is stressful in itself. I was born in 1957, so add up the numbers, being unemployed at my age is a worry! I’m trying to keep a brave face and enjoy the day, but sometimes life just wears you down.
How am I going to spend the day? I think I’ll take a challenging walk and let the fresh Colorado air clear my head.